The Rise of Wokemen: Canceling Toxic Bloggers, One at a Time!

"Now is the time!"

(Scene: A Bedroom, somewhere on our dear planet Earth, morning. A chubby person, mid-30s, in rainbow pajamas stirs awake. This is WOKEMEN.)

(He/She stretches, smiling at his/her two female dogs licking each other tenderly on the bed.)

Wokemen: Paradise! So peaceful! The world should be this pure.

(He/She sits up, brushing his/her shoulder-length hair from his/her face.)

(In the bathroom, Wokemen stares into the mirror, examining his/her reflection. He/She furrows his/her eyebrows.)

Wokemen: Toxic!

(With urgency, he/she grabs his/her razor and begins shaving his/her face. Beards, a stray mustache hair—everything is removed with precision.)

(He/she steps back, inspecting his/her now completely smooth face, but suddenly freezes.)

Wokemen: Damn! I forgot!

(He/She raises his/her tattooed arms and notices that the hairs on his/her armpits have grown slightly—perhaps 5mm.)

Wokemen: Disgusting!

(He/She grabs another razor and shaves his/her armpits clean, sighing with relief once done.)

(The sound of water cascades over Wokemen as he/she showers, lathering his/her body with eco-friendly, vegan soap.)

(Wokemen sings as he/she showers.)

Wokemen (singing): What a girl wants, what a girl needs… Whatever makes me happy sets you free…

(He/She spins slightly, striking a playful pose as he/she rinses off.)

Wokemen (singing): And I’m thanking you for knowing exactly…

(He/She pauses dramatically, looking at the showerhead as if it’s an audience.)

Wokemen: What a girl wants!

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

(In the kitchen, Wokemen makes himself/herself breakfast. The TV in the background plays a morning talk show.)

TV Host: …the presidential election results have shaken the nation. What will happen next, and how will the country recover?

(Wokemen listens while frying some tofu and vegan sausages. His/Her face grows angry.)

(He/She looks around the room—rainbow flags, equality posters, and a framed photo of himself/herself at a Pride parade.)

Wokemen: You may win the election, but I won’t let you destroy everything we’ve built!

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

(At the window, Wokemen adjusts his/her superhero suit with a giant WOKE on the chest, and pulls on an eye mask.)

Wokemen: The world needs me.

(He/She steps onto the ledge, gazing at the city below.)

Wokemen: Time to find injustice… or some toxic bloggers to cancel.

(With a mighty leap, Wokemen flies into the sky, cape billowing behind him/her, his/her figure silhouetted against the morning sun.)

(Posted on Threads on 29.12.2024)

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