The Actress: A Journey Through Fame, Beauty, and the Pain of a Past Life

"Beautiful? I was just meat to him."

(Scene: A Noodle Shop in Shinjuku, Tokyo. Midnight. YOU sit alone at a corner table, stirring a bowl of noodles. Outside, it’s raining.)

You: What am I even doing here?

(You stare down at the noodles, pushing them around with your chopsticks.)

You: Five years… and I’m still the same. I was so naive. Thought I could make it…

(Your memories go back to your first day in the city, suitcase in hand, and to your debut.)

You: He told me I was the prettiest girl he’d ever worked with, and I actually believed him…

(You clench your jaw, fighting back the anger and disgust.)

You: Beautiful? No. I was just meat to him—to every one of them.

(You wipe your face with your sleeve, trying to hold it together.)

You: They must be happy back home. They’ve all got it together. Families, kids, trips, birthday cakes…

(You shake your head, as if you want to shake away bitterness.)

You: What would I even say to them now? That I’ve made it? That I’m a porn actress just getting by?

(Your eyes fall to your bowl again.)

You: No. No going back now. I’m too far gone. Luck never comes to me. I’m just stuck. Just sinking deeper and deeper.

(You finish your meal in silence, then put on your oversized sunglasses and walk toward the door.)

(The SHOP OWNER approaches, holding an umbrella.)

Shop Owner: Miss, would you like an umbrella?

(You turn slightly, giving him a faint, tired smile.)

You: No, thank you. I’d rather take a shower in the rain.

(You stand, push the door open, and step out into the late autumn rain.)

(Posted on Threads on 5.12.2024)

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